Thoughts upon thoughts.

First and foremost, I would like to thank the late Dr. Myles Munroe for allowing me to experience such joy in serving God.  I have been inspired to think deeper, live fuller and have a more meaningful experience while living my life. I learn to deeply appreciate what God can do through man and it's so important to appreciate the living when you can because they can't answer you as the dead.
I one day want to be like Dr. Myles Munroe because it's important to me to not just live to my fullest potential but help others realize theirs.  Hopefully I can one day repeat his great words.  "Don't die old, die empty." Dr. Myles Munroe
Thank you so much

You know your grown when...

1)  When people tell you, your expectations are too high it means you are living below your standards.

2)  Don't ever believe your immune to anything you just been saved by the grace of God.

3)  When you let go of old mentality and don't make excuses for poor behavior.

4)  When you get together with old friends and talk about stuff you guys USED to do.

Breaking up or breaking down?

As of late I have been at a crossroad.  At the age of 35 I wonder, where I am in life.  There is so much I want to accomplish and things I want to experience.  I look around and wonder what I can change in order for me to experience growth and a new kind of happiness.  I first looked into the relationship I have with family members and loved ones...and I come to realization that although there are allot of people in my life...there are just that... people in my life. I am appreciative of having wonderful individuals in my life, but, I wonder how do they mold and change me and How do I inspire them?  And what do we do to help elevate one another?
But I wonder if I am looking in the wrong place to make adjustments.  I am not pointing blame on others for my failures.  I just don't see myself progressing without making some kind of move.

Random Thoughts

1)  Cheating is never a mistake always a decision.
2)  Having potential doesn't always lead to success.
3)  Extending oneself to another can sometimes only mean extending oneself to thyself through someone else.

Just too much...

I have been neglecting here for awhile not because I lost interest, it's just because I have so much to say.  As of late I have been obsessed with the idea of having asperger's syndrome.  I have always been suspicious of some kind of default in my thinking but in doing some research I realize that I maybe functioning on a different level.  And that doesn't bother me as a matter of fact I am relieved to know that I may have an explanation to why I do what I do.  It helps to know that I am not different because I have a dysfunction but unique in my nature.  It helps clarify allot of my behaviors and reasons why  I need to do certain things a certain way.
So hopefully next time I come here I can be able to speak of things that I over analyze.  Hopefully making a point here and there.
Later

Just thinking....

Can anger be a good thing?  The other day I was thinking about anger and how it can be used in a positive manner.  As with every emotion I believe anger is just a symptom of either fear, trauma and/or insecurity.  I think if a person is emotionally mature anger can be used as a form of motivation.  It's an energy that can be manipulated to encourage change to better any one's circumstance.
But it takes practice.  I think for me the first thing is to acknowledge what I am feeling, then I have to find the source as to why.  I think it's important to do the research because it will help me become aware of what is going on and instead of acting in an impulsive manner. I can be clear about the source of the issue and learn to be fair and concise with little to no drama.  I am not saying it works every time but when I do use my intelligence than relying on my re-action, there is less of chance of me regretting.

I learned that anger isn't the source of evil intent.  People do that without needing it as a resource.

Random Thoughts

 A few weeks ago I went over my mother's house to visit Grandma.  She's 89 years old and has seen and been through a great deal.  Last time I visited her was on her birthday.  I asked her how she feels about being 89 and seeing her children, grandchildren and now great grandchildren grow up.  She told me she felt absolutely blessed.  Things are not how she imagined to be, but she is okay with life in general.  Coming from my grandmother that means a allot.
In speaking with her she told me some of her regrets.  One of her major regrets was the fact that she never took the time to really take care of herself.  I thought that was interesting, she felt that her priorities in life was off.  In the midst of taking care of everyone else she forgot herself.  Her struggles paid of for her children, but she never had the opportunity to reap the rewards for herself.  Not even a little bit.  I was saddened to know that at 89 that still could be someones biggest regret.  But it does make sense.

In retrospect I believe that many women do have similar regrets.  One of those unspoken wishes, that can never be said out loud.  In talking to her I learned allot.

Here is some of her wisdom that she provided me with.

Going through pain doesn't mean your tough, sometimes it means you are stupid.

Staying stuck on stupid long enough.  Can make a permanent impression on you.  Learn to Grow UP!!!!

Loving someone else is another way of falling in love with yourself all over again.  It's a gift you give yourself and hopefully you are able to provide it to another.

Joy, happiness, pain, love isn't an accident it's always a decision.  You gauge whether it's good enough to endure, enjoy or move on.

Narcissism lives in secret places.  Self preservation comes out only during emergencies or desperation.

So here are a few of her words of wisdom.
Hope it serves someone well.  I know it will for me.

Self.

  (Disclaimer:  Excuse the horrific grammatical error. I really don't have any excuse other than being lazy.)

For the last couple of weeks I have been thinking a great deal about self-worth.  And I wonder to myself, What does a person who truly value their sense of being look and act like? What does self-love, self-worth, self-preservation, self- realization look like?  What is a complete human being?  And does finding a purpose, function, use in life really is the meaning of finding happiness?

You see I don't think I know what it means to be happy and fulfilled.  I don't know if it is even worth the journey.  As a child I always wondered about  how life works as an adult. I always envisioned them to be demi-gods because they always had an answer for everything.  Now being an adult I realize allot of what  they were saying was pure shit.  A facade.  It was during my teenage years I realize that adults were indeed stupid and unfortunately still are.  But I digress.

Could self-worth also be a facade, a false concept telling people that there is  more to there existence than what they believe, see, hear and know? A new means for talk shows fill the audience with wild ideas only to sell them new products or promote guru's, spiritual leaders and actors.

  I don't know. I like to think it is indeed real.  That there is so much more to us than what we can even dream.  But what is self-worth? I believe it's a form of validating one's existence, life, worth, dream, desire, purpose and function. But what is it really?
Maybe I try to answer that next time.

A new start.

Finally I have done it.  Created a blog strictly for my thoughts.  To express myself as I see fit.  As of late I have been doing allot of thinking hence the blog title, but, it's more than just expressing my thoughts it's an opportunity to share and maybe exchange opinions, ideas and concepts.
Hopefully this will be a positive experience and most importantly a learning one.
As Always,
Blessings